Conquering Fears

On Sunday I wanted to go surfing, but I have issues about going there by myself. I realize that when I am actually surfing that I am alone, at least with no one I know, and that anyone coming along is just hanging out on the beach. I guess I just like knowing that someone is there so I don't feel so alone. But on Sunday mom wanted to get stuff done, so she couldn't be my surfing buddy- though a little later she did offer to go for a few hours only, but I didn't want to go all the way out there just for a few hours and feel the pressure to leave. So i got a litttle mopey, and was sulking around the house. Greg was asleep and Sunday is his day to sleep me and for me to not wake him up early :) When I saw him flip in the bed I took that as my opportunity to go bother him, figuring he was partially awake. We went back and forth about the whole "me-not-going-alone" thing- he though it was silly and that I should just go, and I just kept saying that I didn't want to go alone.

Eventually I started putting my suit on and slowly getting ready to go by myself...i think I was taking my time, hoping Greg would join me. But he insited that I do this on my own and get over this need for company. We agreed that if I did this on my own, he'd come out with my next weekend. So i did. It was a good thing, and I knew I was being a baby about the whole thing, I just really had issues going by myself. But I went, rented my board on my own, managed to get it in my car, and get myself down to the beach. It was a really rough day in the water. I was getting tossed around, my board was beating the Shyte out of me- I have an awesome purple bruise on my thigh where the fin hit me. I was able to catch some good waves, But I didn't stay out for long, the water was really rough, I spent more time just trying to paddle out then anything, and my toes started going numb. It was a good expereince though, and I was also getting over this fear i have of the really strong waves, which i think relates to me having trouble poping up. I get nervous cuz these waves are really pushing you and the thought of leaving the safety of my board gets to my head. But i managed to stand up even while riding some of the stronger waves and just going with the flow. i still REALLY need to work on poping up though.....that will be a major accomplishment for me at this point.